Progression Not Perfection (Part II)

It’s 3am and I’m awake. I woke up in a reflective mood. Today is the last day in November, can you believe it already? Next month is December, like the end of 2021? If you were asked to describe how 2021 was, what would you say? Yes, you currently reading darling ;)

Personally, 2021 was a desirable year for me. I say desirable not because I didn’t make a few mistakes or that I had everything I wanted. Everything I needed was provided at the right moment. This year, I was intentional about nurturing my version of joy. This year, I learnt to be present while progressing. Have you heard that TikTok song that goes like this “thank you for the happiest year of my life”. I shared a video on TikTok capturing some beautiful moments of my 2021. I‘m looking forward to the next chapter/year but before then, here are a few things that I am reminded of lately. 

1. There are very good people and there are very bad people in this world. I’m sure you’re like duh? Yup, I know but wow. There are people who have shown that they are not pleased with seeing you genuinely happy. If you are reading this and you derive pleasure in seeing people unhappy or it just gets you angry when someone is happy, I hope you receive true love and joy. Just stay far away from me though. S/o to Wizkid & Skepta. 
2. Everyone (not excluding the people who clearly did you wrong) is going through some form of challenge privately. It’s possible that the person who you think seems very okay, might actually not be. Please learn to be kind, regardless. 
3. Every high and low at different chapters of your life will progressively work together for your good; and it will be so beautiful to witness in due time #NoLele ;)
4. Live in the present and cherish it with the people that really matter to you. Find meaningful ways within your means to show them they matter to you, now when they are alive. You can start now with a thoughtful text or voicenote. While you do that, Alexa play “Celebrate Me” by Patoranking.

In my first blog post, I shared a little bit of my immigration journey in Canada lol. Do you remember the hype around being on clubhouse? At the beginning of this year, my friend Mary reached out to me about co-hosting a Clubhouse conversation where international students share their journey towards Permanent Residency (PR) and Citizenship in Canada 🇨🇦. At first, I think this is how I felt…

Have you seen this funny Yoruba video with Odunlade? It is hilarious. In that moment, this picture captured how I felt. I was like she knows a bit of my immigration story so why did she reach out to me still? At that time, I didn’t have my PR. I‘m thinking where do I start from in my journey and what do I have to contribute in this subject matter? Lol, I hesitated. That night, I wailed! You know those ones where you cry and can’t even hear yourself cry? yup that one. Initially, I hesitated because I thought I may not connect to everyone but then I realized, I will not always connect to or be liked by everyone and that is very very okay. I thought to myself that I‘m not the only one going through a challenge, so there will be someone who is also “going through a process” and can pick something out from my journey. I started preparing so I created a document tracking my immigration journey — the process of denials, delays and their dates — to guide me in communicating in a concise way.  

Finally, it’s the day to co-host this clubhouse conversation with the best of the bests in Canada — Mary Asekome, Olu of Canada, Janet Adesina. Hey fam haha! The conversation was insightful and people were sharing their individual immigration journeys. Suddenly, I started to panick leading to my turn. I messaged Mary that I couldn't share anymore but she encouraged me and reminded me of what we had spoken about. After I shared my immigration journey, I still felt jittery but somehow free! Surprisingly after the conversation, I had a few people reach out to me asking me what steps I took and how my journey encouraged them not to give up.

Guess what? I cried. I cried because do you know how long it took me to get to that moment of public vulnerability about one of the challenges I had been experiencing privately? The mental tug-of-war I experienced in my mind through it. The thing is, I tend to play a lot, so it was easy to think that I was okay. I also kept quiet most times. This goes back to my #2 on how everyone is dealing with things privately, just show genuine (not fake performative) love for no goddam reason. Do you know how frustrating it is to not be able to do somethings because somehow that thing is influenced by something you don’t currently have? If you don’t get it, forget it lol.

I just want to encourage someone reading this that you will be at peace and ease (again). Whatever challenges you are experiencing will not drown you. It will get better and you will be better equipped. All the seeds you’ve sown privately, you will start to see it’s fruits. All the highs and lows you had to experience privately and publicly, it will all make sense and it will be so beautiful in it’s time. Remember that you are not late or behind. You may not feel like you are where you should be but you will get to where you need to be sooner than later. I hope you are alive to experience the good and healthy things in your life. I hope with everything going on in the world, you realize how fragile life is and chose to live intentionally (not for others, accolades or social media); as you wait for whatever you desire or you’re working towards. Today, I just wanted to share that I’m thankful to God who gives me peace of mind. I’m thankful for strength to get up and stay up. I’m thankful for not allowing my process make me bitter. I’m thankful for learning to live intentionally while waiting. I’m thankful for the many private wins this year. Again, I’m thankful for the amazing people who stayed close even when I wanted to be left alone. Thank you for comforting, celebrating and correcting me lol.

It’s now 6:16am and I’m done writing. This was quite heavy for me reflecting (& crying) and writing. Don’t worry the tears are from a place of joy now, haha. I’ve to get some rest quickly before work so I’ll chat with you in my next blog post 💋