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Book Review: “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A 😲” by Mark Manson

Book Review Priorities Self Identity Values

I lovee this book because it’s blunt, relatable and reflective. It puts you to action. There were certain things he talked about and I’m like “yup that is/was me” or “I’ve done that” or “Mark! reduce your voice, why are you shouting???

When I started reading it, I was like niceee. Continued and I’m like, uhh is this guy just very bitter about life or what? Then, it had just enough cuss words to make me hesitate. But I kept reading and started understanding his perspective.

As humans, we are wired biologically to seek social connection, to feel accepted, and to be cared for but what this book focuses on is learning to

  • identify your personal values.
  • identify what you care about or what is important to you.
  • identify what you don’t care about or what is unimportant to you.
  • focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively on what truly matters to you.

3 things I learnt from this book 

  1. Know Your Values. They are what guides who we are and what we do. They influence our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. When we take the time to ask difficult yet honest questions about ourselves, it helps us identify what we consider important and unimportant. It will help us understand how we measure success/failure. It will help us make healthier and more impactful decisions about our health, friendships, relationships, careers, finances and so on. Everyone has different values and that’s okay. Choosing the right values and metrics important to us will help us live less stressful and more productive lives. That way, you are more selective about what you allow 'bother' you. Mark says that “our values determine the nature of our problems and the nature of our problems determine the quality of our lives”. Everyone has a choice to decide what they are willing to deal with, or work hard for - based on what their values are and the metrics they measure them by.
  2. Pain Has A Purpose. It could come in the form of adversity, failure, anger, disappointment, rejection, anxiety, loss. They don’t always have to be negative, pain can be informative. It makes you pay attention to what you may have ignored. Personally, the past 2-3 years have been my toughest years. Over time, I have had to do some self-reassessment. I got to ask the Potter a lot of questions about myself, family, career, past relationships, Christianity, church folks & more. There was a lot of unlearning, relearning and rebuilding of my core foundation in areas of my identity, healing, and personal values. All these helped (and is still helping) me become - a better version of myself - whole. It’s all about how we perceive situations in life. So, yes pain is inevitable. The process is meant to build you to be stronger, healthier and wiser. You just have to make a conscious decision to genuinely learn from that experience and make that ‘pain’ (positively) work for you. Let it make you better not bitter by turning that pain into power, purpose or profit ;)
  3. The Value In Rejection. There is beauty in rejection. Why do I say this? Have you ever been rejected by someone or a group? Pause and remember how you felt. You may have felt like a cast out, lonely, secluded, invaluable, unaccepted, undervalued or unappreciated. I have experienced these feelings too. What I found is that, when someone or a group of people reject a thing or person, it means that they chose to accept something else. Mark said “The art of choosing a value requires rejecting alternative values. To value X, we must reject non-X”. Someone might reject you, not because you are a bad person but what they value is different. For example, rejecting dishonesty or deceit means I am choosing to accept honesty, transparency, vulnerability and constructive (not demoralizing) feedback. So, it is not totally bad if you reject something/someone or if you are rejected. It just means that you/they are choosing to accept values important to you/them. That’s okay. There is a saying that says “go where you are celebrated not tolerated” right? On your journey of self-improvement, you will undergo some unexpected and painful experiences. Mark said there will be byproducts of reassessing what is of value (importance) to you and where to channel your energy. As a result, you may feel confused, uncertain, like a failure or even encounter rejections but that’s okay. Some relationships are even likely to be lost in the process because they were built around and measured by those (poor) values you formerly had. But that’s okay too. Don’t beat yourself up. Rejection can be useful; if we choose to embrace it to grow purposefully.

Is it not funny how we care (too much) about what other people think or the current trends? When in reality, those people or things are not there with us through the tough/night/dark seasons of our lives. The best thing you can do on this journey to becoming a better version of you is to care for yourself. As someone who loves to giveeee to others, I found out that I hardly channeled that same energy to myself. You can't give your best to a cause, person or vision if you are not healthy/whole. Take the time to invest in your growth emotionally, mentally, physically, financially and spiritually. Focus on what is important to and contributes to your peace, progress and purpose; not what people will think. As long as the Potter approves of it, that is what matters most #dropsmic

 

If you enjoyed this review and are interested in buying this book, I got youuu . All you have to do is click this link to get your copy. Happy reading :)



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  • Christianah Okunade on

    Such a good read! Good job on explaining it too! 👏🏾


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